Ring Them Wedding Bells

April 17, 2006 at 10:07 pm | Posted in football (american), whitney | 5 Comments

Today my dad called me and told me he has found me a husband. Apparently The Deseret News ran an article today about some dude named Tom Pace that plays for the Utah Blaze. My father enthusiastically informed me that Tom (they are already on a first name basis) plays in a punk band and went on an LDS mission. “Here is someone we both can like!” (the poor guy – my dad, not Tom…I’d be a total catch – he knows that as soon as I graduate I’m a lost spinster-headed cause, and with so many girls in the family, he’s getting desperate for some testosterone.)
We looked up his picture on The Blaze website, and my dad seemed even more enthused by the fact that he has that unfortunate professional football player’s syndrom (if you can call The Blaze professional…seeing as I know nothing of football, I’m in the dark as to whether Tom’s football status should even impress me at all) where their neck is somehow bigger than their heads. I don’t want to break my dad’s heart, but I can’t help commenting on Tom’s ridiculously bright Wallace and Gromit style smile.
My dad is so super stoked on the idea of a son-in-law to watch football with that he has already planned our daddy-daughter date up to the Meet and Greet the players have to participate in after the game. “He has a CD sold in Deseret Book!” I complain. “GOOD! You like music!” my dad retorts. He seems to think that the minute I ask for the boy’s autograph, we will fall in love and have athletic little babies that will make up for my couch-potato, kung-fu-movie-watching, disappointing ways. The last husband he found for me was a track star for BYU. Luckily, this sports star was married within the month (as is common in this crazy city I like to call Provo). Unluckily, he has brothers.

I would also like to mention that tomorrow is my last day of racquetball, and that no matter how motivated I get I must remember that I am just not cut out for the silly competition forced in co-ed PE classes.


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  1. one time my dad and stepmom set up me and brian with two girls they work with. and they decided that we should all eat together… at the roof. brian told everyone that he was going to go to law school and study intellectual property rights and everyone bought it except me.

  2. my dad tried to set me up with his executive secretary. i told him i had zero interest in that. then he ambushed me by inviting the guy to my brother’s wedding. nice try dad…nice try…

  3. I really enjoyed looking at your site, I found it very helpful indeed, keep up the good work.

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  5. my mom does this all the time. Luckily, she lives 2500 miles away..unluckily, she’s going to meet several of my guy friends this summer.

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