BBs with B.B.

July 23, 2006 at 10:42 pm | Posted in misc, whitney | 8 Comments

This weekend I went on a short camping trip with my friend Brittany and was introduced to a sport called “shooting a BB gun at cans.” Turns out, I’ve finally found my niche in the sports world. While Brittany proceeded to pretty much suck ass at shooting the can (in the moment I was a very encouraging friend and said things like “that one was close” and “better luck next time, Tiger.” But I was thinking “wow. She totally sucks ass,” which is totally weird because her initials are BB so she should probably rock at BB guns.) I ruled at hitting my target. I’m contemplating the idea of becoming an assassin. However, I’m lacking a few essentials: 1) an awesome outfit. I need something vinyl-y and black, probably tight and maybe with a lot of invisible pockets for storing creative weapons. 2) stealth. Let’s just say that I creak a lot of boards. 3) A weapon that would cause more damage than a BB gun. That thing was tearing the aluminum can apart, but I think it might not cause enough damage in a gun-for-hire situation. 4) a lack of morals. I’d like to be choosy about who I kill and who I let live, but there’s probably not so high a demand for assassins these days and I got to take the work I can get. If this means picking off a starving African orphan infant with autism, that’s just the way it’s got to be.

After Brittany and I tore up the can to sufficient degrees, we gathered wild flowers and made princess crowns. I totally sucked ass at that and Brittany ruled, so I guess we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

(Brittany just called me – furious – and wants me to admit that she didn’t really suck all that much ass and that she was actually pretty good but that I was still really really bad at crown making and she was a pro and so on. She’s contemplating serious retaliation.)



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