he is some nice looking young talent

August 22, 2006 at 12:09 pm | Posted in basketball, brian | 4 Comments

this wasn’t supposed to be the title, but the commentator just said this in the basketball game i’m watching. this probably doesn’t seem funny yet, but just let me set up a little context. the game i’m watching is italy v senegal in the world basketball whatevers, so you need to remember that the color analyst is talking about an hunky italian forward. also, you have to hear this guy: whenever he comments on anything the italians do he uses this excited and somewhat breathy voice. i feel like i should have a punchline to kind of sum everything up, but i don’t know how to do a punchline here. but you get it, the analsyt is crushin on the italian. i mean he just said he’s got a sweet stroke in his breathy voice.

the actual title: 1, 2, 3, usa!

i saw the most touching piece about team usa (basketball) on espn prior to the aforementioned game. it was all about the pride to be representing the usa and how coach k is going to masturbate with his gold medal. then they brought on a col. brown, complete with an introduction by coach k saying something about what you learn today is more important than the world champion(something or other)ship. i thought i’d write this entire article sarcasticly (except that first bit is not sarcastic) but this show was too ridiculous. so col. brown started speaking about selfless service and how, i guess, it’s the same thing on either the battlefield or the court. that’s pretty bad, but it just keeps getting worse. then col. brown told some story about a soldier who took shrapnel or something to save his platoon(?). but then the soldier was sitting right there in the room, and he was also blinded by his anjury, but he wasn’t just blind but actually lost his eyes, not only that, he wears two glass eyes, and then col. brown talked about how he wanted to stay in the army . . . blind.

that’s about as bad as it gets.

but then it got worse.

the camera cuts away to d wade who is crying, then we see a shot of chauncey billups crying, but then a shot of gilbert arenas not crying (and possibly looking disinterested). right now, gilbert arenas is my favorite player on usa basketball. then after the speech(?), the basketball players were able to comment on the story and d wade makes some speech(?) about the personal pride he feels when he wears the usa jersey and how he and officer blind (i didn’t get his name, i just got that he was blind but still wanted to serve) were alike and so on. [from the story that opened the article: the commentator just admitted to having many “issues.”] then officer blind watches(?) a usa basketball practice but with headphones with running commentary from d wade. after the game gilbert arenas walked over to the blind guy and the blind guy just felt his chest and asked about the chest brace gilbert was wearing. gilbert arenas was kind off creeped out.

so gilbert arenas is still my favorite player on usa basketball.


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  1. this makes me want to throw up

  2. you said “an hunky italian”. That was an honorable thing to do.

  3. that was actually an accident, but i do like to use an as opposed to a preceding words that start with h.

  4. how grammatically responsible of you.

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