tough talk towards t.o.; too bad t.o. totally topped trained theory

October 1, 2006 at 4:46 pm | Posted in brian, fespn, football (american) | 3 Comments

monday is all about the nfl. that’s what this commercial i saw told me. i figured sunday would be all about that but i guess it’s all about the nfl and trimming the hedges and laundry and maybe cleaning the garage.

the point of the previous paragraph: i watched like twenty minutes of espn’s nfl countdown this morning.

this show was out of control. it started with a virtual tornado of football, i hope. otherwise i have no idea what the opening graphics were all about. every segment of the show was brought to me by a different product–ibm, marriot courtyard, fidelity, ibm again, old spice, direct tv. every anchor(?) was dressed for success. chris b (black blazer, white shirt and a pink tie [pink ties are awesome]) looked the best. but where was steve young? did he speak in conference this week? or was he just in slc for the serious mormon parties? i imagine that young, marriot, covey, thurl bailey, that girl from survivor, boyd k packer and the ghosts of eliza snow and joseph f smith all hung out on top of the conference center last night. i guess steve young was too hung-over to make it back for the show.

t.o. and his accidental overdose opened the broadcast. here’s what t.o. said: “i don’t think i’d be here if i took 35 pills.” he makes a good point. chris b turned it over to the panel to give this quote some context. i’ll try and put there context in context.

irvey (white shirt with orange stripes going horizontally and vertically, light blue tie with blue something on it and a black blazer): the cowboys should have been thinking about the titans, but it’s all t.o., t.o., t.o.

me (black t-shirt and grey shorts): i’m glad someone sort of defends t.o. it seemed like he was saying that t.o.’s teammates were concerned for t.o.’s health (like normal human beings would be) when they should have been focusing on football. but how do you focus on football when your friend overdoses?

t.j. (black blazer with thick white pin-stripes, white shirt and a black and red striped tie): it’s always something with t.o.

me (same as above): t.j. probably thanks god that guy’s in the league or they’d actually have to come up with some stories. i mean, this is a two-hour show about (american) football.

glassface, who other people call jaws (black blazer, peach shirt and an orange and black tie): speaking for bledsoe, if t.o. is always overdosing on pills, how are we gong to work on our timing and chemistry? speaking for myself, how can you win with t.o. on your team?

me: speaking for glassface, i wish i was half the qb bledsoe is when i played, but i was and am too much of a hater. if i hate someone, i hate someone. i especially hate black athletes who don’t know there place.

dikta (navy blazer, blue shirt, grey tie and an american flag pin): so long, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

me: i guess dikta would fire anyone on his team with any kind of mental health problem. real men don’t have mental health problems, i guess.

t.o. may have tried to kill himself. can’t espn lay off him for a week?

here’s what else i learned:
-phil simms won a bunch of money off his son playing poker while his son was in the hospital and probably groggy from the meds.
-chris henry doesn’t mind his rap sheet.
-espn loves alliteration. here are some of the teasers for stories coming up later in the show: too much t.o., tom’s troubles, smith the savior, winning without shawn, dallas distraction and chad’s comeback.

finally, everyone but irvey thought t.o. would hurt dallas this week by playing. he didn’t. they won easily. not only that, t.o. played pretty well. he lead the cowboys in receiving. however, that’s not good enough for espn. i watched a little of the blitz–a show on espnews that recaps the day in (american) football–and saw another t.o. quote where he said that he exceeded everyone’s expectation (maybe he should work at espn writing teasers). sean s took exception to this (maybe i should). first sean talked about how terry glenn stepped up as a number one receiver since t.o. played so bad. while glenn did have a couple touchdowns, he had a lot less yards than t.o. i don’t get his point. then sean talked about why everyone hates t.o. i guess it’s because he says things like exceeding everyone’s expectations even though he did. i thought about this logic for a while and figured that you’re supposed to hate athletes who play better than espn thinks they will. i guess that makes sense.



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  1. Maybe espn would be easier on t.o. if he hurt others instead of himself by, say, stepping on the face of his helmetless opponent.

  2. I think that they (collectively) just wish they were the mother of T.O.’s children. I’d almost put money on it.

  3. Hey, I was at that party on the conference center…didn’t see you there…–>

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