Watching The Game Last Night was Better Than Listening to This Lionel Richie Song in the CougarEat Right Now

January 10, 2007 at 5:22 am | Posted in football (american), whitney | 3 Comments

For the first time in what feels like a very long time, I watched a college football game in full. And it wasn’t even an accidental occurrence. My grandparents are going on a month-long trip, and the big bon voyage get together was watching The Game last night.

Here are my impressions:
1. The camera pans to this old, skinny, decrepit man doing some sort of whoop-there-it-is dance in front of millions of people. This could perhaps be the most hauntingly depressing image recorded in my lifetime. (keep in mind that I have seen both The Wedding Date and Hitch)
2. At one point my family had this conversation:
Me: Cornelius. That’s an awesome name.
Dad: I bet they call him Nelly.
Me: Nelly’s a girl name.
McKenzie: No. What about Nelly the rapper.
Dad: Yeah! Like Nilly VaNelly!
3. At first I was cheering for Ohio, but then Florida ran off the field for halftime and I saw their hair. Good hair!
4. Actually, I still kind of liked Ohio, but my dad explained to me this whole conference problem and how it’s not really the championship because Boise doesn’t even get to participate? (and they have a blue field?) So if Ohio loses a game and Boise remains undefeated it’s like a big “fuck you” to the conference? I’m not sure that’s accurate, but it sounded noble, so I went with it.
5. During that super-retarded Dodge commercial my mother says “Commercials are so violent these days!” and when the rest of us laughed at her she exclaims that we have all become desensitized.
6. My grandfather slept through the entire first half with his eyes slightly open, sitting straight up, and grandkids crawling all over him. We seriously had to check his pulse.
7. “I Can Do Things Through Christ.” Best shirt ever.



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  1. I watched too much football the past couple of weeks (3 games maybe, in full.) I hid in my room and watched SNL best of Chris Walken while the roommates watched the game–as part of a purifying ritual.

  2. i also thought that the “I CAN DO all things through CHRIST” shirt was the best shirt i have ever seen.

  3. Thats a funny post. That dude could make a killing if he started selling handwritten sleeveless shirts like that. Heheh.

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