Predictions are all the rage

January 14, 2007 at 6:31 am | Posted in clif, football (american), misc | 3 Comments

So, I’ve yet to give the new and im(un)proved blog a shot because new things intimidate me and I haven’t had anything beyond a half-baked, uninteresting comment to make. Luckily, as I sit here watching football, I see that the Woods are making predictions on this weekend’s playoff games and, wouldn’t you know it, I’ve got some prognostications of my own. Here they are (along with some things I saw while watching and writing):

1. Colts @ Ravens – I’m not cheating. Even though I’m watching the game right now. Because, you see, I’m picking the Ravens to win and they are currently down by 3. Even though they’re down, I’m picking Baltimore because, according to talk radio, everyone cares that the Colts up and left Baltimore in the middle of the night. I don’t care personally and noone I know cares, but apparently we’re the only ones.

Oooh! Prince (the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince) will be performing at halftime at the Super Bowl! I wonder if they’ll ever book someone in the prime of their career for that gig.

2. Eagles@ Saints – I’m a Saints fan and have been most my life. As such, I have no reason to believe the Saints will win this game. I’m picking them anyway because I don’t want to hear a million stories about how the Eagles overcame all the trouble T.O. caused and that Owens is still causing trouble for his new team while Philly will go on to win the Super Bowl and cure cancer probably.

The Colts just completed a really awful looking flea flicker. My first prediction may be in trouble.

3. Seahawks @ Bears – Rex Grossman’s errant arm vs. a secondary so beat up they are starting a cornerback that was jobless a couple weeks ago. That’d be a pretty sweet phone call to get. I’d prefer to be Koy Detmer. The Eagles signed him just before the playoffs started to be the holder for field goals. I wouldn’t mind being paid thousands of dollars to do that. Even with what happened to Romo. Bears by a bunch.

Without a Trace, a CBS crime tv show (aren’t the all), is about a competitive eating champion gone missing. Abby on NCIS (a different CBS crime tv show) isn’t pregnant and that guy from Summer School thinks that’s too much information. If it weren’t for sports (and the office and On Demand Campus Ladies) I’d quit watching TV. I swear.

4. Patriots @ Chargers – As long as Belichick keeps wearing the hoodie with the cutoff sleeves, I’m going to keep picking the Patriots to win. I like Ladanian Tomlinson, but I’m waiting for someone to give him a better nickname before I pick him to get to the Super Bowl.

It’s halftime and the Colts are up 9-3. I hate Shannon Sharpe as a commentator. I can’t understand a word he says. Another commercial touting Prince as the halftime entertainment for the Super Bowl. He’s in a conference room with ad execs who are talking about the performance. They talk of smoke and lights, of lowering Prince from the rafters while releasing 9,999 doves (I think, I’m only half paying attention). One of the corporate tools (as the commercial makes it clear he is) asks Prince if he would mind wearing a spacesuit. Prince does not look pleased. Prince prefers to keep it real. It’s funny; the ad suggests that Prince and CBS are above making a silly spectacle out of the halftime show. I’m guessing they do so anyway, and without anything as cool as a spacesuit.

Here are some extra things:

– My roommate used to work at Bischoff’s carwash. Never go there, by the way. They’ll steal your stuff. It happened to me. Anyway, while he worked there, everyone’s favortie Jazzman, Greg Ostertag, came in with his monstrous truck. He drives a Ford F650 like this one. It was so big that it couldn’t fit into the wash bay and had to be washed by hand. In the back seat, Ostertag had a hunting bow. One of the Bischoff employees (of questionable character, no doubt) was asking him about it and Greg replied: (Note: don’t read on if you have delicate sensibilities) “I love hunting more than pussy.” What a guy.

– After watching the Jazz game with a glass of scotch, I had a night of restless sleep in which I dreamt I, with frustratingly little success, tried to teach Andrei Kirilenko how to crochet.

– That last bit was actually my sister’s, but I find stories like that are better told in first person.



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  1. but isn’t that pepsi commercial about how prince’s halftime show is a parody of halftime shows? at least i imagine that’s what prince thinks.

    and i hope he wears a spacesuit.

  2. i can’t believe ostertag would say that. i’d be sad if i believed it.

  3. Ostertag?!? Chauvinistic? I won’t believe it either.

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