i wouldn’t take the job even if they offered it to me

January 20, 2007 at 2:01 am | Posted in brian, football (american), tennis | Leave a comment

these predictions can go to your head.  with my spurious reasoning, i nailed three out of the four games i predicted last week.  and it’s not like i was that wrong in  the game i picked wrong–if that charger defender (i’m too lazy to find what his name was, but i’ll guess kiel) hadn’t fumbled after he intercepted brady i’d be four for four (or 444).  i pick(ed) ’em better than any of those idiots who cover football for espn, fox or the other network that has football games (cbs?).  i also pick(ed) ’em better than chris berman or tom jackson who aren’t necessarily idiots.  (but it’s not like i want to marry them or even hang out.  i’d go to dinner with either or both of them provided they are the ones fronting the bill and they don’t expect any sort of after-dinner activity.)  after wasting all these so-called professionals i asked myself, “well, why am i not working as a football analyst for one of the major sporting networks?  it obviously take little to no talent, which i have, and my picks are statistically shown to be better than theirs.”  but then i remember everything going against me.  like i don’t own a tailored suit and i don’t have the right haircut.  more importantly i wasn’t a mediocre (ron jaworski, sean salisbury, chris collinsworth, boomer esiason) and/or overrated (howie long, shannon sharpe, dan marino, micheal irvin) former football player who needs to compensate for my unremarkable playing days or try and milk my over-hyped football past.  so i’m only qualified to continue to write for this blog and keeping making my amazing predictions.

i predict that all the americans will make an early exit from this year’s australian open.  except for serena williams who rocked the shit yesterday.  but don’t look forward to any roddick/federer championship this open.  and obviously federer will win it all.

and i won’t even acknowledge the afc because i think this year’s playoffs are rigged (a patriots/colts championship game again?), but i’m thinking the saints will beat the bears not because of rex grossman or reggie bush but because the saints’ logo is french (i think) and being french they’ll channel zidane’s spirit and head-butt their way to the superbowl.

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