…biggest sports event of the season…

March 31, 2007 at 4:00 am | Posted in fespn, misc, pillowtalk | 2 Comments

the 177th semi annual general conference for the LDS chuch is happening this weekend. at first glance one would incorrectly infer that there is nothing sports related to this event. wrong.

what’s more sporty than old men (average 60-167 years old [i just made that up, but it’s surprisingly accurate]) dueling in a verbal battle? so, it may seem a little dry, but one has to take into account that as age ravishes our mortal frames the last tools of battle that we’re left with are our words. I mean, obviously we won’t see any UFC fighting during those 2 hour blocks. But the battle will be with nouns and pronouns.

this is the real deal. it’s all played off very nonchalantly because of legality issues. the bets on this sports event bring in a high percentage of annual gambling stats. if you decide to participate in watching this event you  might see the scorekeepers/statkeepers. They wear headsets, and are called “interpreters”.

what can you bet on? lots of things. the number of times each individual will use key words like “spirit” “love” “charity”. The odds aren’t high with those bets, but if you’re looking for the really high stakes you can predict the exact  time an individual speaker will consume with their words. Fun family pots about who will conduct which session are also common.

if you’re too busy to participate in this riveting action, you can always see the results a few weeks after conference in the conference reports. there is a section that shows the play by play action and gives a final breakdown of all the stats.


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  1. you know that part in the book of mormon where mosiah or whoever translates some ancient document they found in the woods? didn’t he use interpreters? are they the same as the ones they use today?

  2. yeah, pretty much except they’re a lot more technologically advanced. Instead of crude rocks that you look through it’s like a headset thing that you talk into and a spirit records the stats.

    it’s pretty impressive. I felt the warm tingly feeling when I found that out.

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