i still love the fifties and i still love the old world

May 13, 2007 at 1:06 am | Posted in baseball, brian | 15 Comments

(i know that schilling apologized for his comments and i know he’s not a member of the kkk. but i’m still posting this because i think the pictures are funny.)

i think curt schilling should change his name to kkkurt schilling, if you know what i mean. here’s what he said about barry bonds:

“he admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game . . . . and i don’t care that he’s black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. it’s unfortunate . . . there’s good people and bad people.”

since barry bonds has never admitted to using steroids, cheating on his taxes or cheating on his wife, kkkurt’s reasoning seems a little suspect. what i find interesting about this sentence is the oreder he listed the acts that, in his opinion, make up a bad person.

kkkurt’s hierarchy of badness (bad meaning unethical or immoral behavior as opposed to bad in the micheal jackson thriller sense)

bad: cheating on one’s spouse
badder: cheating on one’s taxes
baddest: cheating on the game

looking at the chart above we can see that while kkkurt believes extra-marrital affairs are bad, participation in an extra-marital affair alone is not enough to constitute a bad guy. given kkkurt’s political affliation, it may be surprising to see kkkurt ranking cheating on one’s taxes badder than cheating on one’s wife. but kkkurt isn’t no libertarian conservative; he knows our tax dollars go towards funding the war in iraq, the reconstruction of iraq (meaning that our tax dollars end up at haliburton thanks to no-bid contracts and haliburton somehow “losing” billions of our tax dollars meant for reconstruction), the research and development of all sorts of weapons that will eventually kill most of life on earth, subsidies for irresponsible multi-national corporations and prison camps all over the world. with this in mind it’s no wonder kkkurt ranks cheating on one’s taxes as badder.

but worse than all of this, in kkkurt’s mind, is taking steriods. i’ll look at why i think kkkurt ranks this as the baddest a little later, but first i want to mention this:

barry bonds has never admitted to using steriods, cheating on his taxes or cheating on his wife.

this fact alone hurts kkkurt’s case to define barry as bad people. this would be like me saying that kkkurt admitted to painting blood on his sock during that playoff game. other people think he did it but kurt has denied it, so my previous sentence, like kkkurt’s original one, is a lie.

why does kkkurt rank cheating on the game as the baddest act a person can commit? well, as a star baseball player — or rather as a person who is only a star because of baseball — kkkurt believes, to (mis)quote some mormon prophet (i forget which one), “no success outside of baseball can make up for failure on the field.” baseball is his life. well, baseball and video game developing and campaigning for the president.

kkkurt tries to make it clear that his attack on barry bonds is not motivated by barry’s race. kkkurt would still attack barry if he was green, yellow or purple. kkkurt, it seems from his statements, would not attack barry if he was white. this is probably why he gives roger clemens a pass. clemens and bonds are a lot a like: they’re both a million years old and still dominating the game, they’ve both chunked out after being super-skinny in the eighties and neither of them have tested positive for steroids. it makes you wonder.

david ortiz thinks bonds is a bad dude but uses bad in a completely different sense of the word.

“i’ve heard a lot of different things about barry bonds, but people should just admit it – this guy’s a bad (expletive).”



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  1. oh barbara, you will always look like an old man in drag…

  2. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I think that even the most fanatic baseball-lovers can admit that baseball-themed discussion doesn’t really belong in a legitimate ‘Sports’ blog.

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, snaaaaaaaaaaaap.

  3. i think it works better if someone other than the person telling the joke says “oh snap.” otherwise, it appears desperate.

  4. Your mom appears desperate.
    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, snaaaaaaaaaaaap.

  5. my mom’s dead.

    but you should of had your dad say “oh snap.” that might have been funny.

  6. Who even says “oh snap” anymore? And “your mom” jokes were funny ten years ago (never).

  7. Good one. On opposite day. Tards.

  8. Who even says “tards” anymore? And “opposite day” jokes were funny ten years ago (never). Oh, and I’m totally gay. But not in the freaking sweet way.

    – Anonymous

  9. i disagree. i think opposite jokes are still pretty funny. but i wish opposite day wasnt a joke. i wish we could all just take it more seriously.

  10. Opposite day is as real as you make it, Nat.

    One thing you can do to get started is to start using the acronym OOD in casual speech alongside FYI and FFR.

    Pretty soon, people will know how you feel about opposite day. Pretty soon, people will start believing.

  11. Is this the hate blog? I feel like conversations are veering in an unpleasant direction.

  12. i take no responsibility for direction. i just wanted to weigh in on opposite day.

  13. the hate blog was awesome. even when people’s feelings were getting hurt.

  14. Oh, “(expletive.)”

  15. Nice ponytail.

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