how do you spell beast?

July 22, 2007 at 1:41 pm | Posted in aaron d.w., basketball | 1 Comment

me, dusty and clif went to the rocky mountain revue last tuesday at salt lake community college to see the jazz play versus the sonics. pretty exciting stuff, right? kevin durant the rookie sensation, paul millsap the local favorite, jeff green – some guy on seattle, and dee brown. i’m a big fan of the rocky mountain revue in general and i was super excited for this game. but i was also nervous because jazz games at 7:30p seem to get a little crowded. we started off by picking a spot that we thought would stay pretty uncrowded. we even tried to take up two rows so we’d be comfortable. eventually we gave up since every spot became super crowded and we were feeling okay about being around a lot of people. until these recently post-puberty 16-year-olds with their learner’s permits in their pockets showed up right behind us. they started yelling immediately. here are some of their “jokes” which for the record greg liked a lot when i told them to him later. he probably thinks sportscenter is way funny too.

“you’re not in texas anymore, kevin. oh snap.”
“that guy has the vertical of a credit card.”
“if i was shooting free throws by kevin durant i would tell him that i could fit him in my calves.”
“his hands are as slick as his hair.”

section dedicated to ripley:
those jokes were actually better than 90% of what they said.
believe it, or not.

so john millsap played on the jazz’s revue team. he’s paul millsap’s little brother, so little millsap is a pretty good but obvious nickname. every single time that someone on the jazz had the ball that these prom queens didn’t recognize they said, “i see a little millsap.” but the real little millsap would be on the bench. it probably happened on the order of 10 to the 4th power times.

then there was the issue of combining dee for dee brown and D for defense together in sentences on every position. “dee with the D.” “look at dee’s D.” “play some D, dee.” “good D, dee.” “dee’s got D.” and so on.

beast.jpgthe very worst though was that they would call everyone on the court a beast. mostly dee brown and paul millsap. but it’s hard to tell you how they said beast. the b is pretty quiet. it’s a b, but it’s sort of in between a b and a v. also, there’s a slight “uh” sound before the beast. so it’s like, buh-east. but the “buh” is very minimal. and the “east” is said in a deep voice and it originates clear down in the lungs. every time that either of them ever did anything they said, “what a beast.” correction: one of them would say it and then the other 3 would say it right after. i tried glaring at them. it didn’t work. dusty said very loudly that they were the biggest douches he’d ever met. that didn’t work either. they probably call each other beasts during foods class when they crack an egg or light the gas oven.

in case you’re wondering about actual sports, dee brown played fantastic. jeff green was phenomenal. and kevin durant was a disappointment.

i think the saddest thing in the world is that the stupiditeens have tens of classmates who will encourage them to keep up their personalities in their yearbooks with the statement, “don’t ever change.” my advice to them is “don’t ever sit behind me again or i’ll probably cut your face with a knife.”

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  1. Aaron was giving some serious glances at those dorks. I didn’t realize I called them douches so loudly, but they were not scary. I pray to god that they never get jobs on the radio or as sportswriters. We don’t need another Cowherd or Andy Nesbitt.
    Side Note: New album up on Killer Buds. Click on my name to see what it is.

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