soccer, the way the pros play

November 21, 2007 at 12:41 am | Posted in aaron d.w., football (soccer) | Leave a comment

i recently bought this book at the library book sale and it’s changing the way i play and watch soccer. what i didn’t realize before i got the book is how soccer really is for everybody. the book includes pictures of “some of the smallest” players (kids), “passing by a girl,” and “a middle-aged man” just to show me how soccer is the sport that everyone can play. but the thing that really gave me some insight was the passage on a professional soccer player’s sex life. i hope it’s not illegal to post what it says verbatim; that is, i hope i don’t get caught if it is illegal. the book is called “soccer: the way the pros play” by robert herbin and j. ph. rethacker.


Free and liberated sex is in style today! We shall say a few words about it, even though we consider this problem to be a minor one. Yet it is undeniable that a harmonious and balanced sex life cannot help but improve the psychological stability of athletes, just as it does for other individuals.

It is also obvious that a soccer player whowishes to do well on the field and be helpful both to himself and his team cannot lead a loose and maladjusted life without risking the effectiveness of both his immediate and long-range performances. Neither will he choose the night before a match to prove his virility and demonstrate his amorous prowess. What really matters, in effect, is less the act itself than thte manner of perorming it and the context in which it is done. Suffice it to say that the expenditure of energy involved in a “classic” sexual act is minimal and should not in any way affect the performance on the field the next day. The criterion should be one’s common sense. At times a night begun this way can be beneficial, thanks to the relaxation it brings.

we can finally start speculating which players are continually proving their virility and which players just have “classic” sex. i think beckham gets too crazy the night before a game. that’s why he keeps getting injured.

are you guys talking about spheres? we’re talking about penises.

November 11, 2007 at 5:25 am | Posted in basketball, brian | Leave a comment

stalag 17’s last second block was pretty cool but did you see da wilderness the other night? le bj drains an impossible 3 and da wilderness doesn’t even flinch — just takes the inbounds pass, goes coast-to-coast (like george noory or art bell), refuses to even acknowledge a defense and lays in the winning shot like it was nothing.

the next morning i was trying to explain an expansion of da wilderness’s nickname — da wilderness: baptizing balls all over the fucking place — but he didn’t get it. or he thought it was stupid. but that’s ok. you can’t choose what you like.

for me, the name da wilderness reminds me of john the baptist because of that verse in the bible where john refers to himself as “the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.” plus he lives in the woods and shit and eats grasshoppers and honey. then he got decapitated because this lady who was turned down by john the baptist gets her daughter to do this sexy dance for herod who grants her daughter one wish which is to have the head of john the baptist on a plate. and he baptizes people.

i was going to talk about the similarities between da wilderness and john the baptist (how john reminded some people of elijah just like da wilderness reminds some people of stockton) then make the case da wilderness ushering in a new style of point guard play by breaking down the stereo-type of the pass-first, right-way point guard but really i just think baptizing balls is funny.

calabi-yau spaces (shapes)

November 4, 2007 at 11:34 pm | Posted in basketball, brian | 9 Comments

did anyone see when they interviewed larry miller during the jazz/rockets game the other night? is he dying? if so, from what? maybe he’s not dying (except in the way all of us are dying) but had surgery early that day and was still groggy from all the meds. or, most likely, he’s addicted to painkillers.

i used to hate larry miller. but since i no longer believe in free will, i realize i can’t hold the way he is against him. he’s just a product of evolution (biological, cultural and cosmic) just like me. he can’t help but run the jazz (and everything else he owns) the way he does. and while i find his business style irritating and offensive, i’m no longer going to hate him as a person. plus, i think this year is my favorite jazz team ever. i know it’s mostly the same team from last year, except everyone is (supposedly) better. i am sad that dee brown is gone (thanks to larry miller’s racism), but an impressive ronnie brewer playing more minutes makes up for that.

but i think we need a way to talk about the jazz that will enable us to develop stronger relationships with their on-court personas: we need good nicknames.

i know bowlerjack has nicknames for everybody but i refuse to use those because they’re boring. we can come up with way better nicknames than that. fight and i occasionally workshop nicknames while watching jazz games but then we always forget (for obvious reasons). i feel good about the name slambidunktrous. now we just need names for everyone else. here’s a couple of ideas:

deron williams: da wilderness
matt harpring: haircut or haircut 8.50
okur: out and about (because my friend brigette has seen him around salt lake at least four times, usually at the avenues smiths)

anyone else have any ideas?

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