i’ve never seen algorithms so complex

February 18, 2008 at 11:17 am | Posted in basketball, brian | Leave a comment

here’s a serious question: why do they always play the national anthem before many formal sporting events?

these uniforms are confusing.  i can never tell who is on whose team.

are there even people at this game?  what about celebrities?  the game seems eerily quiet.  i can hear one lone screamer and it’s unnerving.  the excitement after the alley-oop lasted only a moment.  d wade’s even laying it in on fastbreaks.  air ball.  i really think the uniforms are negatively effecting the players, audience and me.  back-dork by lbj (back-dork is the new name for back-court).  kobe’s on ice.  nothing is happening.

what is reggie miller talking about?

new simpsons: good or bad?  i bet bad but am hoping for good.  i’ll let you know.

did you hear about that spy satellite that’s malfunctioning?  yeah, i hear they’re going to blow it out of the sky with a ten million dollar missile.  that’s money well spent; sorry about the mess.  they really call it a spy satellite.  a relic of the cold war.

they’re talking this kidd trade shit in the middle of the game.  are you kidding me?  who cares?  does tnt realize they’re showing a basketball game?

that was a nice steal by iverson.  that steal was nice too.

the simpsons was terrible, i watched the commercials of the basketball game instead.  they’re pushing the shit out of that basketball movie.

bets on mvp of the all star game: fight thinks it’ll either be lbj or howard; i think chrissy p or ai.

it’s half-time.

you should see the glasses this lady is wearing in nightrider.  she’s a scientist.  now there’s a three-some, now a surfing montage followed by a super-sexy shower montage and it all took 15 seconds.  and she’s a topless lesbian sleeping with a cop.  they’re both cops.  maybe even partners.  now a car just called the scientist on the phone.  the code word is — night. i think the car’s voice is really generated by a computer.  and the bad guy has a fake british accent.

it’s still half-time.

the west is getting killed.  i think it’s cause their jerseys are somehow uglier than the east’s.  and cause centers are dead, dead weight.  get rid of them if you want to win.  this isn’t 1985, it’s the future.

so there are situations where the car needs a human.  and the scientist thinks the car is actually her dead father.  she’s having a hard time accepting his death.  “she teaches at stanford.”  “is she hot?”  he’s got a serious crush on her.  the car is programmed to find the scientists ex-boyfriend.  he’s the guy who was having a threesome earlier.  holy shit, this car just transformed.  i think it’s going 500 miles an hour.

oh, it’s just a big promo for ford.  you could win your own talking car.  the car has a definition of the word sadness, but he’ll never know what it feels like.  there’s a lot of paranoia.  and the car is also a psychiatrist.  “that does . . . suck.”  now they’re in las vegas.  nothing’s too ambitious for a pilot episode.  and hank jennings from twin peaks is in this show.

back at the game it’s all sneaker and sports drink commercials.  the west are down by thirteen going into the fourth. paul’s fake-pass-dribble, amare’s power-dunk and the margin is down to five.

wait, now her father isn’t even really dead.  the car and the main actor are in a ford commercial.

the west is up, what’s lbj going to do?  airball.  now him and chrissy are fighting:

chrissy p: i’m mvp!
lbj: no, i’m mvp!

things are heating up.  what would that boller say?  something about buckling up for safety?

that car doesn’t understand women.  i think nash is stoned: “no, there was a lady who threw a towel at me.  i think she needs to work on her arm strength.”  then he said his shoes were made of trash.  is he wearing recycled shoes?  don’t let his pot-smoking fool you, he just a coporate tool?  allen’s raining, three in a row.  neither fight nor i saw him as an mvp possibility, but he’s looking good.

“i need your phone, or a computer.”

paul ties it with a three.   allen misses a three.   turnover by dirk.   lbj straight to the rim.   offensive foul on paul.   wade with a chance at a three point play.  it’s gonna take a lot for paul to win his mvp.  looks like i’m out a dollar.

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