it’s all (fucking) entertainment

May 30, 2008 at 1:15 am | Posted in basketball, brian | 2 Comments

everybody knows, or everybody who has read this blog or talked to me about basketball, that allen iverson is my favorite player ever.  sometimes i feel like the only reason basketball has any meaning for me is (in)directly related to allen iverson.  but if there is one guy in the league whose coolness is up their with iverson’s, it’s rasheed wallace.

i found this quote attributed to rasheed wallace:

“all that bull(shit)-ass calls they had out there. with mike and kenny [i’m guessing those guys are refs] — you’ve all seen that (shit). you saw them calls. the cats are flopping all over the floor and they’re calling that (shit). that (shit) ain’t basketball out there. it’s all (fucking) entertainment. you all should know that (shit). it’s all (fucking) entertainment.”

the quote i found had bleeps in the parenthesis, but i took the liberty of decoding the bleeps.

i found the rasheed quote while reading about the latest nba news: starting next year, the league will impose fines for flopping.  or rather, according to the headline of some espn article, fines will be imposed for clear cases of flopping.

the league obviously feels like the flopping problem is the players fault.  but that’s bullshit.  the problem is wildly inconsistent refereeing.  nobody noes what’s a block and what’s a charge.  players are randomly being bailed out as long as they act like they’ve been hacked.  who knows what constitutes a travel?  the league is looking to deflect any criticism and place the blame squarely on the players.  i mean, jeff van gundy has been effectively black-listed from the league for openly criticizing refereeing.  and with no coherent or consistent rules, the phantom of fixed games is ever-present.  and fining players for flopping isn’t going to change any of that.  plus, i’m guessing this rule, like the technical foul rule, will only be selectively enforced.  because it’s all just fucking entertainment.

it’s a lifestyle, baby

May 23, 2008 at 4:53 am | Posted in basketball, brian | Leave a comment

the jazz are done. out of the playoffs. jazz fans are sad or mad. they want kobe dead or dismembered. they hate the lakers more than they already did (which doesn’t even seem possible). but before we all give into a summer of despair, before we focus all are energies on some kind of double-plane crash that kills everyone on the lakers and spurs, let’s take a second and remember the coolest team in jazz history.

i dont know how many people are going to agree with my, but this years jazz was easily my favorite team. i know, back in the nineties the jazz made it to the finals twice in a row, but that team was boring as fuck. john stockton was the only interesting player. malone flopped like ginobli. hornacek had a dumb haircut and wasted all his time sending secret messages to his family. byron russell was ok. ostertag, while cool as a person, wasn’t exactly exciting to watch. who else was on those teams? keefe? shannon anderson? howard eisley? while arguably functional, they were never awe-inspiring. that last sentence actually sums up those teams. outside of stockton taking over games whenever he needed to (like that game six or seven against houston), those jazz teams were totally boring. boring as fuck, as i already mentioned.

but that’s because i dont care at all about winning. i care about how the game looks. and this year’s jazz looked good. deron williams has become as exciting as anybody in the league to watch. he’ll kill you. ronnie brewer finishes every shot around the hoop, especially the off-balanced, double-clutched, reverse lay-ups. ronnie price has turned into such a punk (and i mean that as tremendous compliment). milsap, while mistaken as just a physical rebounder with limited offensive abilities, has these sweet spin moves and drop-steps that come out of nowhere. cj miles, at times, looks like the player i’ve always wished the jazz could have.

but the question is whether next years jazz will look anything like this years. i’m scared that the jazz, whatever moves they make, will ruin the coolness of the team. i mean, they’ll probably draft the lesser of the lopez brothers. talk about boring. hopefully they trade boozer for someone awesome.

i have a difficult time imagining that, john lennon

May 9, 2008 at 2:10 am | Posted in basketball, brian | Leave a comment

the jazz lost again. ok. whatever. i missed part of the game watching this john sayles written movie about werewolves. not as good as that other movie he wrote about an alligator in the sewer, but it did have a great ending (it was real; she turned into a werewolf and then they shot her). and they showed the part in the original wolfman movie where they read that poem about wolf-bane blooming. the point is i didnt see most of the game.

i’ve heard from numerous coworkers that the commentating on the game was unbearable. i imagine this reaction had something to do with this being the first post-kobe-winning-the-mvp game and the commentators and sports analyst needed to justify the consensus. i’m guessing it was all kobe is so great, he’s really matured, he’s the definition of an mvp, he makes his teammates better. that kind of bullshit. i’m not saying that kobe shouldn’t be the mvp — kobe is amazing; did you see that move where he split two defenders with a spin move and then made a pass behind the defender’s head for an easy dunk? — i’m saying that the mvp award is stupid. winning an mvp award is exactly like winning an oscar except there is less accepted criteria when voting for the mvp.

the part of the commentating that i heard that i would like to take issue with is doug collins talking about how efficient kobe bryant was. he kept saying things like 30 some odd points on fifteen shot attempts is super-efficient. but what he fails to mention is that the shots were kobe gets fouled dont count as shot attempts on the box score. so his efficiency rating, like the mvp award, is meaningless.

i bet the person who took this picture was like “shit man, this is going to win me a pulitzer!”

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