rex chapman for prez

July 2, 2008 at 10:24 pm | Posted in aaron d.w., basketball, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

so it’s an election year and i’ve been thinking about who i should vote for. it’s a really tough decision every time, since i don’t believe in voting, and this year is no different. i’m supposed to be in love with barack obama because i’m a male in my 20’s and he’s supposedly a hip, young, and cool advocate for social change. but i’m not. i mean, obama did play basketball in high school, and i’m a basketball fan. but big deal. the best basketball player i’ve ever personally known named brandon didn’t play basketball in high school, and i don’t think i’d vote for him for president. on the other hand, john mccain is a war vet, just like the sports specter pat tillman. unfortunately for mccain, i don’t believe in war or vets or ghosts. i can vote for nader again, and everyone can just tell me again that it’s a wasted vote. but then brian said that if he gets 5% of the populace vote that he’ll receive federal funding next election. plus, ralph nader founded the league of fans, which is an organization that fights for the rights of sports spectators. (in 2002, nader wrote a letter to david stern addressing the lopsided calling of fouls in that lakers-sacramento game that’s making news again with tim donaghy. for a recent article on nader as a sports fan, click here.) the decision of who to vote for became even harder for me when i realized that i could write in shaq.

as far as i know, shaquille o’neal is not planning on going into politics. he wants to be a police officer or deputy or detective or something. he has a master’s in criminal justice (he brings law and order to the court), so he’s more suited for a run in the judicial system. (actually, his master’s is in business administration.) so he’s not making a push for the presidency this year. but shaq has a charismatic public personality. during interviews he’s always cracking jokes and wearing (top) hats. both things that make you think, “if only he were running for president.” he’s been a consistent figure in public service over the last few years. when he got to miami, he became a u.s. deputy marshal. “I put a lot into it, and when I am done playing, I plan on going undercover and then being the sheriff or chief of police somewhere.” it wasn’t his fault, but he was on the team that served a child porn warrant to the wrong house. and i guess he was also accused of using excessive physical force in questioning a suspect. as a volunteer. but if the miami police department can forgive him, so can i. so then he got traded to the suns. and became a volunteer for the police department out there. nothing scandalous, just good old fashioned volunteer law enforcement. these are the kinds of things that were making me lean towards voting for shaq.

well, up until he got his phoenix volunteer badge and his two miami deputy badges revoked. for swearing. and making fun of kobe. in a free-style rap in new york. a video of the rap showed up on tmz. and now beford says they want their badges back. so where does that leave me? not voting for shaq, that’s for sure. i was going to write him in. i really was. i was telling everyone. but then he swore. and i don’t condone snap judgements, but swearers don’t make good presidents. shaq is going to have to do a lot of good p.r. work in order to get back in the good graces of the american voting public.

so now i’m probably back to voting for nader. but i’m still open to suggestions. especially since rex chapman hasn’t officially withdrawn from his presidential candidacy. by which i mean that he hasn’t said that people shouldn’t write him in. which is a viable option, considering he made this shot once:

so obama better watch out. i bet he’s never made a buzzer beater.

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3 Comments »

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  1. Is that really a top hat? I would call that a fedora. If that’s what you’re basing this “top hat” business on, you are sadly sadly mistaken.

  2. it’s not. but i have seen him wear top hats. after i couldn’t find a top hat picture, i inserted the parenthesis. obviously.

  3. maybe quotes would have been more appropriate. as it reads now it looks like he wears a lot of hats, sometimes even top hats. and i guess the picture works in that case, but you’re causing a whole lot of confusion.


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