…biggest sports event of the season…

March 31, 2007 at 4:00 am | Posted in fespn, misc, pillowtalk | 2 Comments

the 177th semi annual general conference for the LDS chuch is happening this weekend. at first glance one would incorrectly infer that there is nothing sports related to this event. wrong.

what’s more sporty than old men (average 60-167 years old [i just made that up, but it’s surprisingly accurate]) dueling in a verbal battle? so, it may seem a little dry, but one has to take into account that as age ravishes our mortal frames the last tools of battle that we’re left with are our words. I mean, obviously we won’t see any UFC fighting during those 2 hour blocks. But the battle will be with nouns and pronouns.

this is the real deal. it’s all played off very nonchalantly because of legality issues. the bets on this sports event bring in a high percentage of annual gambling stats. if you decide to participate in watching this event you  might see the scorekeepers/statkeepers. They wear headsets, and are called “interpreters”.

what can you bet on? lots of things. the number of times each individual will use key words like “spirit” “love” “charity”. The odds aren’t high with those bets, but if you’re looking for the really high stakes you can predict the exact  time an individual speaker will consume with their words. Fun family pots about who will conduct which session are also common.

if you’re too busy to participate in this riveting action, you can always see the results a few weeks after conference in the conference reports. there is a section that shows the play by play action and gives a final breakdown of all the stats.

is it worth the tivo space?

February 9, 2007 at 12:03 am | Posted in fespn, football (american), pillowtalk | 1 Comment

ok, i’ll follow the trend and talk about that game last sunday. I haven’t watched it (yet). I had to work that evening so i didn’t get to watch the video feed. i did have my cell phone programmed so that it would tell me the play by play breakdown of the sporting action, but missed all (most) of the hype. it appeared to be a pretty boring game from that vantage, so my question is: is it worth (re)watching with the video feed? I’ve gathered some info from the other faithful bloggers, and i am still in a quandry. I have the whole game recorded and waiting on my tivo, but it’s hogging some precious memory space. I’m running the risk of missing out on some sweet Iron Chef action, or even…. vishnu forbid… prisonbreak. it’s a possibility that I might not be able to get around to watching it until the weekend. So I seek your advice. Also a few more questions from a non viewer:

1- It was rainy right? so why wasn’t there mud? I heard that there wasn’t any mud at all. was it satan’s influence on the game? it just seems so unnatural.

2- who (if anyone) wanted to do prince? I hear that he was having a sexy fun time.

3- did the commentators even tell any remotely funny jokes during the game?

and 4- why hasn’t any of the writers commented on the “beard comb-over” commercial? it’s been all the rave on the radio here lately.

is this the hate blog?

January 29, 2007 at 11:44 pm | Posted in basketball, contributors, pillowtalk | 2 Comments

ok. i know this isn’t the hate blog, but i’m going to have to post a little hate here anyways. I hate sub-par college basketball games. I’m not into that strange voodoo language of math, so I’m not sure of the statistics. But after sitting through the BYU vs. Air Force basketball game last saturday, i decided that the players from those colleges need to study a little harder.

it was like watching an elementary school recess pick up game, everyone was selfish with the ball and only wanted to shoot the high and mighty 3 pointer. the idea of posting up and going for the easy lay-up for 2 points so their odds of scoring points goes up seemed foreign to them. yes… you do get that extremely coveted extra digit added onto your score if you get lucky and lob one up from the outer ring, but the odds aren’t in your favor!

things I did like about how college basketball is run:

1-) two 20 minute halves full of continuous play (except of course for the “media time-outs”).

2-) Austin Ainge plays for BYU, and seeing him play reminded me of the dinners I had with his parents Danny and Michelle Ainge. Danny Ainge played for the Celtics a million years ago with larry bird, and Michelle Ainge is hot. It was definately a place that the missionaries hoped to get to go for dinner appointments (they also had indoor batting cages).

are all college basketball games as boring as this one? Is this why the NBA is bringing in so many foreign players? because american kids only want to throw up the 3?

a man and his footy

October 12, 2006 at 8:35 am | Posted in misc, pillowtalk | Leave a comment

I was surfing blogger and found this article … and thought the readers of “this person” might enjoy it.

who do you like?

October 4, 2006 at 10:35 am | Posted in football (american), pillowtalk | 6 Comments

or

The other day I was flipping through the channels and happened to see Mr. Marino’s face staring back out of my t.v. He was there talking with a few other “less important” guys talking about the week in american football. The reason that this caught my attention was because they were all talking about Brett Favre. It was only interesting because they were talking about the “current events” that were happening when Favre hit the NFL. Some of the things they mentioned: Last of the Mohicans was the top movie, grunge music came onto the scene lead by Nirvana with Smells like Teen Spirit, both Mike Tyson and Jeffrey Dahmer were arrested that year (tyson for rape, Dahmer for murder), Super Nintendo was released, The Gulf war, Magic Johnson announced that he has HIV, etc. The other men on the show started “ribbing” Marino about how Brett has 402 career touchdown passes, and is quickly approaching Marino’s own record of 420 .

this caused me to think… i mean, one would hope that after 16 seasons straight, starting every game a quarter back would have at least 400 touchdown passes. I looked up Marino’s career and found out that he actually played for 17 seasons. So essentially Favre has another season along with the current one to make 18 touchdown passes. I think he will do it. I just don’t know if he should.

After reading up on Mr. Favre’s life from here, I found out that he’s become a corporate machine. The boy that started out so well has apparently come to the point where he’s lost touch with what really matters in life. In his early years he was a fun guy, making silly bets and having a good time. From there it seems that he’s changed his focus to numbers and records. I don’t know if Marino was the same (i didn’t pay him any attention when he was a QB).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really don’t know much about it at all, so I ask: who do you like? Farve or Marino? Should Favre break Marino’s record, or should the record stand at 420 ?

war on doping

August 2, 2006 at 11:00 am | Posted in misc, pillowtalk | Leave a comment


IAAF (The International Association of Athletics Federations) president Lamine Diack said on the governing body’s Web site: “Although it is a matter of deep regret that one of the biggest stars of our sport is facing serious doping charges, I would take this opportunity to emphasize the IAAF’s total commitment to the fight against doping.
“In order to defend the credibility of our sport, we will engage all our efforts, in co-operation with partners such as USADA, to defend the majority of athletes who are clean, against those who break our anti-doping rules.”

you may think that this is another post about Mr. Barry Bonds, but it’s not. This post is actually about the 100-metre co-world record holder Justin Gatlin (he’s also an olympic gold medalist in sprinting).


I personally feel that there’s no indication that Brother Gatlin has been doping at all. I may even write him a letter suggesting that he contact the ACLU to see if they can investigate whether his civil liberties have been trampled on. Gatlin has accepted that something out of the ordinary was found in a recent drug test, but can’t explain why the unordinary substance was found. His coach took a daring step and alleged that it was Gatlins masseur (whom apparently has a diabolical vendeta against Gatlin) that rubbed the steroid cream into Gatlin’s legs without Gatlin knowing it. I think that’s a buyable story, I mean someone is to blame right? We all know the masseus had opportunity, and apparently motive. I just have a hard time overlooking the fact that Gatlin’s coach Trevor Graham has been involved with “at least a half-dozen other athletes who have received drug suspensions” (quoted from http://www.tsn.ca/olympics/news_story/?ID=173084&hubname= )

All in all, this whole story leaves me wondering if the IAAF’s “war on doping” will be as effective as the USA’s War on Drugs, or War on Terror have been. For the sake of all humanity, let’s hope so.

(one of) my nominations for fittest ath-l-ete

August 1, 2006 at 11:04 am | Posted in basketball, pillowtalk | Leave a comment

I’ll be the first to admit that there are just some sports that I’d rather watch women play than men. One of them being basketball. So you can just imagine my joy when the Wnba came to be. With that in mind, I make my first nomination for the vote of hottest ath-l-ete (said with three syllables): Lauren Jackson of the Seattle Storm.

I have a few reasons to vote ms. jackson as the fittest athlete, none of which include that she is currently ranked as the 5th greatest player in the league, or the fact that she’s ranked as the best center in the league.

Most of my reasoning is because she is 6’5″ tall. I being 6’4″ don’t find many women that are taller than me, and I think that it’s incredible to have a woman of her stature to look up to (literally). She is a perfect definition of an Amazon woman (ok well maybe not perfect, but good enough).

Another reason that I think Ms. Jackson is the fittest athlete is because she looks good in form fitting outfits. I know you’re thinking that a lot of athletes can pull it off, but as indicated slightly to the left of these words…. she can really pull it off (and I doubt that anyone would mind if she did).

Lastly, I feel that for any athlete to be nominated as the fittest, they need to have rockin hair. Some may (erroneously) feel that Ms. Jackson has plain drab hair. As you can see from this final picture, not only does she have cool hair, but she uses it as a weapon in her game. Steal the ball from her? She’ll whip your eyes out with that flowing mane. Going for a sweet 3-pointer? Not gonna make it with that distraction. She demonstrates fine male peacock abilities to attract attention, making her opponents lose their skills.

anyways, long story made short Ms. Jackson = my first nomination.

MLB should ban everything

July 20, 2006 at 11:31 am | Posted in baseball, pillowtalk | Leave a comment


With all the hype and hysteria flying around the sports world about the situation Mr. Bonds finds himself in, I’ve realized that a good resolution for any future mishaps such as this, would be for MLB to ban everything.

I think the first step they should take would be to ban any and all weightlifting and personal training. What’s the number one physical stimulant most athletes use to enhance their playing ability and endurance? Exercise. The game would be more pure if the players would rely on their genetic programming and pure natural bodies and abilities. No mucking things up with exercise and training. It’s an unfair advantage over those who do let nature run it’s natural course. How would the officials monitor this ban? Easy, if you begin to see any rippling muscles, or above average playing ability… they will know that there has been an infraction!

I know a lot of baseball “fans” are upset with Barry because he’s hitting lots of home runs, and may eventually pass up old Hank Aaron. They say that he’s giving himself an unfair advantage that Hank didn’t have. So what? The air was a lot more clean back when Hank played the game. The baseball didn’t have to travel through as much crud in the air. Hank didn’t have the pressure of Universe wide exposure, and loud “music” and advertisements in his face while trying to play the game. He didn’t have to worry about his endorsement deals falling through if his batting average dropped. The worry of islamic terrorists flying a plane into the stadium while he was playing never occured to him. Like him or hate him, Bonds does what he can to get the job done. So let him play, drop the possible indictment for perjury, and stop hasseling him (seriously, now they’re going after him for possible tax evasion?)!

There’s risks involved in any form of personal enhancement. If players want to alter their physical makeup using steroids, they are risking alot… why not allow them to take the risks if it produces better performance? If other athletes want to compete they will just have to find a way to keep up! Isn’t that what “sport” is all about? Doing anything you can to be the best possible player??

serpent’s sport

June 27, 2006 at 8:16 pm | Posted in misc, pillowtalk | 1 Comment

intrigued?? I bet you are. i am willing to guess that you are all wondering what sport would be a serpent’s sport. I’ll answer that very question here:

yes my friends, it’s true. It’s recently been brought to my attention that golfing has very serpent-like qualities. according to Craig Stadler the game of golf can be easily morphed from a simple game to a predatory hunt. golfers are actually hunters hunting their way to the kill (ball dropping in the hole). i know, i know… there are many other lifeforms that are predatory in nature, but stay with me. I was also informed that when a golfer is preparing to swing h(er)is club to hit the golf ball they are actually coiling back and the downswing is the strike. clearly, in this “game” a hunter lays in anticipation of it’s kill by coiling up and when seeing it’s target, it strikes. what other species than snakes do that? you’d be hard pressed to find one. it’s obvious that the “game” of golf is actually a passtime that came to be when pagan beliefs were introduced to christianity. generally speaking people either love or hate golf, which is only explained by it’s history. pagans loved the serpent and held it in very high regards, while christianity imagines the serpent to be the symbol of evil. The fusion of these two beliefs into this one “game” only leaves the two options, love it or hate it.

don’t believe me about golfing actually being hunting? when you think of great golfers, who comes to mind? I bet you are thinking of Mr. Woods.
It’s only to be expected that he would be a phenominal golfer with a name like Tiger. Tigers are great hunters, so Tiger is a great golfer. It’s just his nature.

of course the recent trajedy that Tiger has experienced (the trajedy being that he has to drive an ugly buick lucerne for his tournament vehicle) has really hurt his hunt. But he still has his serpentlike desire to make the kill. i’m sure he will come out on top, eventually.

Anyways, i think that golf is one of the better sports, even though it has been somewhat raped by the mainstream sports media. some golfers wear rad clothes, some golfers have rockin hear-dos, and you get to act like a snake, how much better can it get? by the way, i’m pretty sure that golf is one more thing on the list of “things Lance Armstrong sucks at”.

misappreciated?

June 26, 2006 at 8:20 pm | Posted in misc, pillowtalk | Leave a comment

with all of the recent hype about futebol (or soccer if you must) i must admit that my blood does boil at the under appreciation for the sport that requires so much more skill and determination, which in comparison makes “soccer” look like a kiddy game. don’t get me wrong… some soccer players can pull off some sweet moves, but it really pales when compared to the average footbag master.

let’s look at the facts, shall we? when was the last time you heard about someone being unable to compete in the great sport of footbag because of possible drug/steroid use? i’m not aware of a single time. In fact I think that the truly great footbaggers wouldn’t deny using an occasional control substance.

as you can see from the few pictures that I added here, footbaggers have rad hair and “uniforms” (I use the “‘s because footbaggers generally scoff in the collective face of organized sports’ tendancy to have lame outfits [as has been mentioned earlier on this guy knows what i’m talking about])

if you feel as i do, that footbagging has been the forgotten step child when it comes to the sporting world then you can catch up on all things footbag here:

Footbag.org

p.s. i’m glad to be a part of such a totally awesome blog, this is ash catchem a.k.a. pillow talk a.k.a. dave (just FYI)

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