there are some athletes who god just gives an incredible amount of talent to

December 18, 2007 at 1:17 am | Posted in baseball, brian | Leave a comment

was alex rodriguez’s 60 minutes interview a commercial for rodriguez? he places his opting out announcement squarely on his agent going as far as to say as that he and his agent aren’t speaking. does this mean they’re breaking up? or is a-rod just going to give him the silent treatment for a while before the make up (and out). then he goes on to deny using performance enhancing drugs. or even denies considering using steroids.  nice try a-rod.

and what about andy p?  he admits to using hgh for two days and then stopped because he felt it was wrong, even though he makes it clear that he didn’t think it was cheating.  two days?  oh yeah, and he did it for the team.  he was injured and wanted to recover faster.

i’m working on a post about the mitchell report, but i wanted to post this so everyone knows that this blog hasn’t gone defunct, yet.

i’m glad i take drugs, as a doctor and a father

October 25, 2007 at 9:19 am | Posted in baseball, brian | 1 Comment

i hope beckett gets nailed tonight too.  well, that depends on what getting nailed is a euphemism for.  i’m actually watching the game right now.  i think the rockies twelve year-old pitcher is the one getting nailed right now.  and what’s up with all the awful facial hair?  but back to beckett:  fight describes beckett as a bad-ass.  i think i agree with that description, provided fight and i have the same definition of bad-ass.  maybe we should make the definition of bad-ass be beckett.  so from now on if i call someone a bad-ass it’s because (s)he reminds me of beckett (who i think is an idiot, i mean, what’s up with those stupid necklaces?).

but mostly i’m not paying attention to this game.  i think the red sox have already scored a dozen times and i can only remember the opening homerun.  i have noticed a lot of bank commercials.  and chevy commercials.  and anti-steriod commercials.  and i noticed the opening song: john williams conducting the boston philharmonic in some version of america arranged specifically for this world series.

have you noticed how sometimes fox transitions between live game footage and replays with this moving transformer graphic?

i think this game’s going to be rained out.  i also think beckett is addicted to painkillers, just like vince vaughn.   do you think he trims his beard himself?  who pays more for haircuts, beckett or john edwards?  (jokes about john edwards’ haircut?  what is it, like seven months ago?)  but seven strikeouts in the fourth, that’s pretty good.

i don’t get this taco bell commercial.  rules for single men to live by?  devo?  i also don’t understand these iphone commercials.  the stories are bullshit and they obviously using actors.

the ramones “i wanna be sedated” brought us back to the game.

fenway park is, according to the guy who’s not joe buck, a national treasure.  i also learned that it’s only been in the last few years that fans have been able to sit on the green monster.  i maybe agree with the guy who called fenway a national treasure provided that we have the same definition of a national treasure.  fenway is easily the best ballpark ever.  but it moslty makes me sad.  i imagine there was this architect who one day came up with this idea for a baseball field.  “we’ll have the left-field wall be 100 feet tall!” he said.  everyone laughed at him, but his dream came true.  but you have to remember that for every success story like this, there were at least 100 other architects who had just as awesome ideas for baseball parks who never saw their dreams fulfilled and died peniless and alone.

rookie of the year: “jeepers, i wish i could tell these guys that my arm healed and i’m back to normal.”

i think joe buck really misses troy aikman.   joe buck’s a regular sportscasting renaissance man: he does football and baseball and maybe some other sports.  everytime you hear joe buck away from his football commentating partner, troy aikman, you can just feel the pain of separation.  joe buck is a professional, so he brings it every night, but there’s nothing like the way him and troy stare at each other.  true love.

Maybe Manny’s Got a Point…There’s Always Next Year

October 19, 2007 at 3:46 am | Posted in baseball, whitney | 3 Comments

Don’t worry. The Red Sox will win tonight.

For one thing:
They’ve got Beckett’s gf singing the National Fucking Anthem! You’ll notice her neutral colored baseball cap, but you’ll also notice her hott bod:
Danielle Peck
If she’s doing anything like that pre-game, I think we can count on this ugly bastard
Joshua Beckett
to be pretty pumped up (where is Dice-K’s skills when you need them??? At least someone we can look out without barfing cat vomit…wait…cats barfing human vomit?…I’m not sure how that goes…anyway, he’s bad looking.)

Also, based on their active roster, the Sox have about 197.69lbs on the Indians. That means each Red Sox team member, on average, has about 2.89 lbs on each Indian team member. Based on their starting line-up from Tuesday, the average Indian weighs about 196.67, while the average Sox weighs about 202.22. And this is based on the stats from the official MLB website. You’re telling me that this tubster
the fatty
Weighs only 200lbs, while this bean pole
skinny little dude
Weighs 190? A ten pound difference?? I don’t know if they’re trying to spin Manny as small and quicker, or Lofton as younger and tougher. But something’s wrong here.

Anyway, where I come from (Denmark, mostly) the more weight the better. Okay, exaggeration, but considering that great three homer spectacle on Tuesday, I’m counting on the Red Sox to start pounding the hell out of that ball, the way heavyweights should. Either that, or start swinging their guts a little quicker around those bases. Lofton is stealing on their asses like a bat out of hell.
bat out of hell

Suzuki Swings

September 12, 2007 at 12:01 pm | Posted in baseball, whitney | 2 Comments

I’m going to throw this out there: catchers are the unsung heroes of the major leagues. I’ve been watching this A’s game tonight (against the Mariners, and it’s a pretty good game. lots of hits, Swisher isn’t pissing me off too much – but not swinging enough…because I love when Swisher Swings.) and there’s all this talk of the pitcher (so impossible to keep track of for me. There are too many and they’re all dogs except Lugo, who I like a lot) and Mark Ellis gets a lot of attention, Piazza of course, Swisher fucks up a lot lately so he’s the talk of the town…but what about Suzuki? Eh? Eh? Suzuki kicks a lot of ass a lot of the time, but you don’t hear his name thrown around a lot unless he hits a home run to win the game (so awesome).

It just seems to me that catchers deserve more attention. They squat there for the whole game every game – which takes a toll on your knees, just ask my PT (my dad) – and a lot depends on whether they can block every ball, so they take a lot of hits. Awkward catches that can dislocate your thumb. Heat stroke. Plus your face is covered up the whole time so you probably don’t enjoy the celebrity that some of your teammates have. I’m not saying that they are anonymous in terms of commentary, but it seems to me that their sacrifices should be honored a little more. Like, some sort of ode sung during the fourth, because God knows the seventh inning can sure be long in coming.

Maybe I just like Japanese(-American) players. Um…that’s a possibility.

P.S. a bagpipe rendition of Amazing Grace in honor of Sept. 11th, juxtaposed with shots of dirty first bases…okay. I’m feeling it.

time to get this shit started

August 28, 2007 at 10:47 pm | Posted in baseball, brian, lee | Leave a comment

this is an email baseball conversation between lee and myself about bonds breaking the homerun record.

Bonds is at 753, two away from tying Henry Aaron’s record. All along, I haven’t lost too much sleep over the whole steriod era. I hated the cheating part of it, but I figured the steroid users would get theirs in the end (look what is happening to WW(F)E wrestlers. It can’t be just a coincidence that all these wrestlers that have a history of steroid use are dying at young ages). I also noticed that teams built on power hitters never win championships (pardon my parenthesis. The Yankees had a dynasty going until they started getting power hitters over contact hitters. The Mariners of the late 90s had Griffey Jr., Alex Rodriguez, and Jay Buhner, and could barely make the playoffs). But now that steriods is effecting the history of the game by breaking one of the most important records in sports, I have a problem with the steriod era.

here’s my thing: i think that in sports, we’re nostalgic for the past, for the golden eras of the sports we love. i don’t know when that golden era was for baseball, but i know base ball is radically different today than it was when i was a kid. anyway we idealize the past talking about when the game was better, when it was purer, when players played because they loved it rather than for money and fame or whatever. but really, there was no golden era. baseball, and every other major sport, has had a troubled past. betting on world series, not allowing african-americans to compete until the fifties, all the shit they used to use to doctor the balls, everyone using speed in the sixties, everyone using cocaine in the eighties, corked bats, pine tar, and so on and so on. so i think all the records could have asterisks by them. my problem is that the game of shadows book is bullshit. it’s all the stuff they couldn’t get into the paper because their sourcing was so poor. it couldn’t get nominated for a pulitzer or national book award or something because the judges couldn’t classify it as non-fiction because of the lack of sourcing. in other words, there is no definitive proof that bonds used steriods. there’s a lot of circumstantial evidence, but nothing that i think justifies suspending him or taking away his homeruns or whatever. i think baseball should actually get serious about testing, because i think what they’ve got going on now is a joke. but i don think it would be wrong to take away bond’s hr record without serious proof.

i agree that power-hitters don’t win championships. however, it’s the move to power that’s brought baseball’s attendance back. or so it seems. you have lowered mounts, smaller strike zones and so many batter-friendly parks. i like small ball and great defense, but that’s not the way baseball is anymore.

Sports fans do get too caught up in thinking that what they are currently seeing is inferior to what they used to see. It’s the same thing with with books, movies, and music. Everything older is better. Maybe it is that we finally realize, “Hey, that was a great movie/book/album/ballplayer,” and then the greatness of that particular thing grows as people talk about how great it was. I think they call it “legend”. Critics aren’t quite as critical about old stuff. It is kind of like ‘the grass is greener on the other side’, but more specifically, it is ‘my old lawn was a lot greener that this crap’.

I’m fine with the steriod era. It happened and baseball had to have known it was happening. I don’t hate Bonds. I like him more than I like Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. I’m convinced that Bonds gets a bad rap because he can be a dick. Lance Armstrong has had what seem to me to be more valid allegations made about him, but because he is friendly, everyone believes him. But, I have a problem with Bonds breaking a record.

Even though I don’t think past eras are necessarily better, I like the history of baseball (and other sports). Statistics and records are part of the history. Hank Aaron’s 755 was probably the biggest of these records. Aaron was against any kind of cheating – including baseball’s somewhat accepted cheatings – and endured a lot when he broke the record because of his race. So, 755 was big to more than baseball. It was big for equality.

Then here’s Bonds. Sure, he hasn’t been proven guilty of steriods, but I’m more sure of his guilt than his innocence, and that taints the record for me. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but I’d rather have someone like Hank Aaron hold the record than someone with so much suspicion.

i think the uncritical and idealized looks at baseball’s past is a lot of the problem. it’s not “my old lawn was greener than this crap” but “the way i choose to remember my old lawn–which only bears the most superficial resemblance to the way my lawn actually looked–is way greener than this crap.” the other thing is it seems like everyone links bonds’ numbers to only steroids when there are a million things that go into it like the emphasis in strength training in contemporary baseball, the expansion of the league and with that a slight decrease in the overall pitching talent, the smaller strike zones, different ways baseballs are manufactured, and so on. so bonds holds the homerun record, but records are not ahistorical. there is always a context to these records and these stats. it makes comparisons, especially comparisons across different eras in baseball, more difficult, but also makes them more interesting.

i guess my problem with the entire thing is the way bonds’ record-chase has been covered. i’m amazed at how much hate many sportswriters and talking heads have for bonds.

i think it’s ricky henderson

Here’s my problem with how the homerun chase was covered by the media. For the last two years, everyone has hated him. Then, the last two weeks before he broke the record, everyone started loving him. Either they were trying to be different (which backfired, because almost everyone else did the same thing) or they companies they work for forced them to change their view because of the lack of interest in the chase, and they wanted more money.

and that’s why i think the hatred for bonds is largely a media creation.

more home runs, less violent crime

August 6, 2007 at 10:36 am | Posted in aaron d.w., baseball | 1 Comment

barry_bonds.jpgprobably everyone in america has heard by now that barry bonds hit home run #755 yesterday or the day before or something. barry bonds is one of the greatest baseball players of his era. he won the mvp 7 times, received the gold glove 8 times, received the silver slugger 12 times, and made 14 all-star appearances. on top of that, he’s one of only four players to have 40 home runs and 40 stolen bases in a season, called a 40-40. he’s the only player in the career 400-400 club (and 500-500).

he was drafted by the pirates and debuted with them in 1986. he signed with the san francisco giants in 1993 and helped them with 103 games that year. but he’s done so much more than hit home runs for the city of san francisco. he’s reduced violent crime. in 1994 there were 10,937 violent crimes in san francisco and in 1998 there were only 7,409.  even more impressive is the fact that he’s reduced violent crime throughout the state of california. according to the bureau of justice, the number of violent crimes in california increased from 248,370 in 1986 to 345,624 in 1992. in 1993 the number decreased to 336,381 and it has been decreasing steadily ever year until 2005 when there were only 190,178 violent crimes in california.

how does he do it? he’s a super-hero. at night. and during the offseason. that’s why when they play night games he can’t play the next day. it’s just too much wear and tear. barry bonds stops violent crime. his super-power is obviously defense and home-run hitting. that’s how he catches would-be criminals. he uses his gold glove defense to find them and then uses his silver slugger ability to hit a home run right at their stomach. they’re left debilitated and weak until the cops find them later that night or the next morning.

no wonder he’s never tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. because he never used them. he has a super-power — a supernatural gift to hit home runs. this country has a gold glove to help defend against violent crime. and they choose to accuse him of cheating. the more time he spends at hearings, the less crime he can silver slug. so give him a break and let him do what he does best. save lives by hitting home-runs.

Rocky Mountain Blues

July 18, 2007 at 1:23 pm | Posted in baseball, basketball, whitney | 1 Comment

I was so excited for the rocky mountain review tomorrow…
Millsap rocky mountain review
(and millsap is my favorite…the good old rookie from Louisiana…)

But, once again the world is conspiring against me and I’m going to have to tough it out with this guy:
The Godfather

The summer is the worst time for sports. Because baseball is awesome, but in July – with the sun reflecting off the metal stands and the blind guy starting to come to Owlz games, too! – it starts to lose its charm. Plus no one even goes to watch the game. At least in the minor minor minor leagues, people are just going to “The Home of the Owlz” (as they try to bully sports writers into calling it) as a date opportunity. It’s like Cafe Rio times 550 (or Comedy Sportz times 762).

getting married at a baseball game

I can’t wait until October.

Orem…A Great Place to Live, Work, and Play (ball)!

June 20, 2007 at 11:56 pm | Posted in baseball, whitney | 9 Comments

“Let’s see you try to get out of this one, HouDini!”

As far as baseball games go, I think last night’s was the best. It was one of those bottom of the ninth, bases loaded type situations. And then that lousy “Swing less, walk Moore” Jeremy Moore gets up to bat with one out. Then Garcia…Oh, Garcia…designated garbage more like. And, thus, the Owlz lost by one. Bummer.

However, the insults were flying: “If you’re gonna bunt, bunt with balls!” “All the pats on the butt in the world won’t get you over that embarrassment!” “Oh no, it’s junk-in-the-trunk Mathews” “What is this, Little League??”

Sometimes I was cheering for the Odgen Raptors due to a mega-crush I formed on their catcher, Kenley Jansen. 6’2″, 178, born in Curacao, Netherlands Antilles. His average is .102 … so there wasn’t much to cheer for at the plate, but what a cutie. But, who could honestly cheer for the Raptors with a logo like this one:
Ogden Raptors Logo

And as far as mascots go, Hootz has got to be the most loveable one.

What a cutie. Instead of the punches in the face Cosmo’s handing out, Hootz is giving hugz. He doesn’t disapear for most of the game like that crazy Leprachaun guy the Celtics have.
Celtics mascot
(though, he can’t do that either. He can’t even hula hoop.)
And he doesn’t really hang out with kids very often. It seems like he’s always picking on the adults (usually trying to sit on women’s laps).

these three things

June 20, 2007 at 1:57 am | Posted in baseball, basketball, brian, football (american) | 1 Comment

number one

last night i had a dream where i met allen iverson.  it was some sort of meet and great the denver nuggets that i some how got invited to.  or maybe it was an award ceremony.  either way, it was held in some sort of rec room and iverson and i played ping pong.  according to my dream, he’s pretty good at ping pong.

number two

yesterday, i spent an entire day in a car with aaron.  naturally our topic of conversation veered towards fantasy football.   while discussing possible back-up qbs, neither aaron or i could remember what team david carr ended up on.  so we texted clif.

contents of our text message to clif: “what team is david carr on?”

clif’s text back: “panties.”

this might seem odd, but both aaron and i knew what had happened: clif had meant “panthers” but through some sort of predictive text message slippage had sent “panties.”  clif, too, knew what had happened and texted a correction within minutes.  this is exactly why, in my opinion, predictive text is so awesome.  thanks to unrecognized/forgotten button pushing by the user, associations between words are formed that the user (and receiver) would never have imagined.  since mobile phones become an extension of our person through some sort of feedback loop between us and the media we use, i wonder if there is something deeper going on — something like a freudian predictive text slip.

number three

delta named a commercial airplane after hank aaron, complete with his likeness and the number 755 (the number of home runs he hit in his career) on the side of the airplane.  if someone offered to pay me to put my face on the side of an airplane, regardless of the circumstances, i would probably say yes.  but what’s up with delta’s timing?  aaron’s record is going to be broken any day now, so isn’t delta — a commercial airline — implicitly rejecting barry bond’s achievement?  it seems weird that a commercial airline would care enough to publicly state it’s opinion on the whole steroids thing, but i guess since so many people hate bonds so much that it’s just a marketing ploy to exploit everybodies hatred of bonds.

My New Ink

May 15, 2007 at 4:01 am | Posted in baseball, whitney | 2 Comments

After sporting fake tattoos this weekend, I’ve decided that I look really good with ink:
Free Image Hosting at
(that’s a tiger riding the waves and Dora la Exploradora)

So I think I’m going to get a tattoo of Matsuzaka and Okajima holding hands. Sort of like this:
Dice-K and Okajima Holding Hands
without the dude in the middle.
But I want Okajima to just be smiling normal like that and Dice-K to look like this:
Dice-K loves his Gyroball

I think if I were Hideki (I’m not) I wouldn’t be as good of friends with Dice-K as they are. Here’s a veteran ball player – he’s been playing in the majors in Japan for the Yomiuri Giants since 1993 – who has to carry around the cooler of candy for his teammates, while his fellow countryman is living the high life with hundreds of reporters and thousands of fans tracking his every move. Not to mention the fact that Okajima is less attractive and making way less money (he’s getting $2.5 million for two years while Dice-K signed a $52 million for six year deal). But it seems to me, after these last games against Toronto, that Okajima is the better pitcher. He’s not as fancy, but he’s so consistent and calm.

I really like how the two of them are, like, BFFs now. All the articles I read about either of them usually mention how they are always spotted “giggling together.”

I think my tattoo is going to be really good.

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